Installment 5. If Men Have All the Power How Come Women Make the Rules?
Share this compelling intro to the Men's Movement with your skeptical friends.
The Power of Shame
“One of the most effective ways I have seen women using to gain power over men is by shaming men, using their tongue to put men down, to shame their sexuality, to shame their success.”
—Char Tosi, founder of Woman Within, in Good Will Toward Men by Jack Kammer
Here is a story about men and domestic violence.
Here is a story about women and child abuse.
The Super Bowl is a big event enjoyed by millions of people every year, most of them male.
The Miss America Pageant is a big event enjoyed by millions of people every year, most of them female.
The game typifies the hopes and dreams of many American males. It glorifies everything lots of boys and men want to be: strong, fast, big, tough and adored by huge crowds.
The beauty contest typifies the hopes and dreams of many American females. It glorifies everything lots of girls and women want to be: slim, beautiful, talented and adored by huge crowds.
But the dirty little secret of the Super Bowl is that it causes men to commit domestic violence.
But the dirty little secret of the Miss America Pageant is that it causes women to commit child abuse.
Experts, in fact, have identified Super Bowl Sunday as a Day of Dread for American Women.
Experts, in fact, have identified Miss America Saturday as a Day of Dread for American Children.
At a press conference near the stadium, a group of people concerned with women’s rights pronounced Super Bowl Sunday “the biggest day of the year for violence against women.”
At a press conference in Atlantic City, a group of people concerned with children’s welfare pronounced Miss America Saturday “the biggest day of the year for violence against children.”
If the man’s team is losing, or if they fumble the ball, the man’s pent-up anxiety often explodes into violence against his wife.
If the woman’s favorite contestant is eliminated, or if she fumbles a question, the woman’s pent-up anxiety often explodes into violence against her kids.
If a woman dares to speak or otherwise distract a man during the Super Bowl, the man will often go berserk and strike her for insolence and disrespect.
If a child dares to speak or otherwise distract a woman during the Miss America contest, the woman will often go berserk and strike the child for insolence and disrespect.
No one can explain exactly why, but some say that the game puts men face-to-face with the frustrations and disappointments of their lives. When men look at their wives during the Super Bowl, they feel anger and rage toward their spouses for making them be something other than football stars.
No one can explain exactly why but some say that the pageant puts women face-to-face with the frustrations and disappointments of their lives. When women look at their children during the Miss America contest, they feel anger and rage toward their kids for making them be something other than beauty queens.
The real explanation, however, is obvious enough. Though no one can prove it, the evidence seems strong that during the game men’s testosterone surges and, well, we all know what testosterone does.
The real explanation, however, is obvious enough. Though no one can prove it, the evidence seems strong that during the pageant women experience a form of PMS and, well, we all know what PMS does.
Moreover, it is common knowledge that men take it as their traditional right to beat women. In fact, the term “Rule of Thumb” came from the old law that said a man could beat his wife as long as he used a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Moreover, it is common knowledge that women take it as their traditional right to beat children. In fact, the term “Rule of Thumb” came from the old law that said a woman could beat her children as long as she used a stick no thicker than the child’s thumb.
To help stem the horrible tide of violence against women, NBC has agreed to air a Public Service Announcement right before the game. It will be directed squarely at men and will remind them just as they are settling in for their big event that “domestic violence is a crime.”
To help stem the horrible tide of violence against children, ABC has agreed to air a Public Service Announcement right before the pageant. It will be directed squarely at women and will remind them just as they are settling in for their big event that “child abuse is a crime.”
On “Good Morning America” a renowned psychologist reinforced the warning about the dangers of Super Bowl Sunday, claiming to have ten years of domestic violence statistics to prove her point.
On the “Today Show” a renowned psychologist reinforced the warning about the dangers of Miss America Saturday, claiming to have ten years of child abuse statistics to prove his point.
The Boston Globe, one of the nation’s most respected newspapers, ran a story saying that domestic violence hot lines and shelters are “flooded with more calls from victims [on Super Bowl Sunday] than any day of the year.”
The Boston Globe, one of the nation’s most respected newspapers, ran a story saying that child abuse hot lines and child protection agencies are “flooded with more calls from victims [on Miss America Saturday] than any day of the year.”
Activists mailed a notice to women, warning them: “Don’t remain alone with him during the game.”
Activists mailed a notice to fathers, warning them: “Don’t let the children remain alone with her during the pageant.”
This really happened.
Nothing like this ever happened.
The Miss America story is completely fictitious. But if it had happened, what would you think? You might think that it’s good to protect children from abuse, right? But what if it later turned out that the whole story about child abuse surging during the Miss America Pageant was one huge, bald-faced lie? What would you think then? Would it not seem that some organization or some ideology with a lot of power and influence wanted cruelly and arrogantly to spray shame all over one of the events millions of American women enjoy most? Would it not seem that someone wanted unjustifiably to shame certain ideals of American femininity and even to shame American women themselves?
On the other hand, the Super Bowl story really did happen. Fortunately, Ken Ringle, an enterprising reporter for the Washington Post, found that it was all a lie, that all the statistics and claims and “science” were bogus, that there is no evidence that domestic violence increases during the Super Bowl. (Unfortunately, you’ll still hear that it does, but you can confidently refute the claim and refuse the shame.) Ringle’s article appeared in the Washington Post on Super Bowl Sunday, January 31, 1993.
Shaming maleness and masculinity around domestic violence is the key tactic in the backlash against men, which we’ll talk about later.
Boys grow up learning they’re not sugar, not spice, not anything nice.
“A [15-year-old male New Zealand high school] student has been [suspended] for five days [the maximum] for writing an essay considered sexually offensive. [He] had to write a story in his year 10 English class titled: How does your body betray you? He wrote about an embarrassed teenager whom he described as having ‘a boner’ (an erection), while in class and not wanting to leave his seat when called to the front of the class. His [female] English teacher showed the story to [the female] principal… who said it was ‘sexually offensive’ and ‘totally inappropriate.’”
—Sunday Star Times, Auckland, New Zealand, May 12, 2002
In western culture we picture women right below the angels, and men just above the animals.
Women’s whole tired toilet seat harangue is all about shame and control. What would you think of a man who got haughty and belittling every time his wife failed to return the driver’s seat to his preferred position after she finished using the family car?
Testosterone: Not a thing to be ashamed of
When you hear women joking that men suffer from “Testosterone Poisoning,” remind them that similarly shallow and sexist ideas led the ancient Greeks to coin the term “hysteria” from their word for the uterus.
“For every male-related hormonal or genetic problem, you can find a female parallel. Pre-Menstrual Syndrome or menopause, for example. So I don’t know that anybody has actually tried to come up with an accurate rating of which gender’s hormones cause the most havoc.”
— Suzanne Steinmetz, Ph.D., sociologist and violence researcher in Good Will Toward Men by Jack Kammer
“Testosterone may not be the dread ‘hormone of aggression’ that research and the popular imagination have long had it… If anything, [testosterone] may be a source of very different sensations: calmness, happiness and friendliness, for example… Researchers said that… men… who… were low in testosterone described feelings of edginess, anger, irritability, aggression… Some studies even indicate another improbable source of aggression: estrogen. Yes, the gal hormone.”
— New York Times, June 20, 1995
A search of the Nexis electronic database on March 29, 2001 found 94 news articles with the words “testosterone” and “poison” within two words of each other and only one story with the words “estrogen” and “poison” in the same close relationship. There were 98 news stories with “testosterone” within two words of “crazed” or “crazy.” There were only three articles when the search used the word “estrogen” in place of “testosterone.”
Boys with a disorder called Kleinfelter’s syndrome tend to be aggressive. They have an extra female chromosome (XXY) and have small genitals and low testosterone. Are they aggressive because they have small penises, because they have low testosterone or because of some other reason? It’s hard to tell. But it’s clear that they don’t feel confident in their masculinity. They’re aggressive yet they don’t have much testosterone.
Could it be that not feeling confident and secure is what causes violence?
A 1996 study conducted at the University of Montreal and published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry found that thirteen-year-old boys who were most aggressive and least popular had lower levels of testosterone than the popular, genuinely tough, but not physically aggressive boys.
Could it be that testosterone makes boys and men feel confident and therefore calm?
New research suggests that popular opinion has the relationship between testosterone and conflict completely backward. It appears that testosterone levels might go temporarily higher as a result of conflict, as a boost to confidence and effectiveness in an upcoming struggle, rather than as a cause of that conflict and struggle. Boys who are exposed to a lot of stress and conflict have higher levels of testosterone than they do when they are restored to a peaceful, secure environment.
“What about the link between testosterone and aggression? Males have more testosterone circulating than females and men are more aggressive. Therefore, testosterone causes aggression: that is how this research is reported in the media… The reality is much more complicated… By concentrating on testosterone, the quintessential male hormone, those who most loudly trumpet its alleged causal role in aggression and dominance do so in support of an ideological position.”
—Professor Anthony Clare from his 2000 book On Men: Masculinity in Crisis, quoted in the Melbourne Sunday Herald-Sun (Australia), October 1, 2000
What’s good for the gander…
“Scientists… [in Melbourne, Australia] believe that the low moods and low libido of some women are related to reduced levels of the male hormone testosterone… In a recent pilot study, [a researcher] gave testosterone supplements to 45 women aged 35 to 45 who complained of low mood and low libido and who had low testosterone levels. The therapy significantly improved the mood and well-being of more than half of them, she said.”
—The Age (Melbourne), April 24, 2002